One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
