She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
