The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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