why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
