There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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