are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
