Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
