Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
