apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
