I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina is officially offended.
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