Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
