listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
