never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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