Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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