Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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