I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
