It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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