i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
