I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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