Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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