In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
