Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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