this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
