So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
