I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
