Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
