whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
