not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
