is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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