I just cut my nipple shaving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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