we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
