Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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