Im at strip club and am horny
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
