I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
