when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn victory sex feels great
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
