at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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