We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
