Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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