some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
