Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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