i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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