You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
