I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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