i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well you can't waste a boner
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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