Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
