3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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