and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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