the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
