At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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