I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think my mom watched the whole time
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
