I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
