You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
